Oct 27 2008

To DM or not to DM: Social network etiquette

Most, if not all, social media sites have opportunities where you can either publicly respond to someone or send a private message. On Twitter it’s called direct messaging (i.e. DM).

For the purpose of this post, I’m primarily referring to Twitter, however these tips can be applied to most networks. Let’s get to it…

Why might you send a direct or private versus a public message?

  • Sending personal information like a phone number or email address (It may seem like common sense, but I encourage you NEVER personal information like your social security number over ANY public forum).
  • A conversation which will consist of multiple “tweets” or a lengthy post of more than three sentences.  (Many people on Twitter will “unfollow” someone who sends multiple “tweets” in a row. Trust me.)
  • Asking multiple questions to the same person or the same question asked to multiple people (Your content becomes less valuable when people see the same thing repeated too many times…especially right in a row).
  • Correcting a mistake you’ve identified in someone’s blog post or “tweet” (This isn’t required, but it is considered a common courtesy. The person who made the mistake will thank you.)
  • Thanking each of your new followers (It’s a nice concept to thank each of your new social media connections, but keep in mind how many responses you’re sending out each day or within a 10 minute period.)
  • Making a request to someone (Want to ask someone to write a guest blog post or partner on a project? Don’t put them on the spot in a public forum. Once you agree on a partnership, then by all means, tweet away!)
  • Constructive criticism…this is your call. (If you have some pretty serious feedback to give someone, consider the most appropriate venue.)
  • Getting someone’s attention! (Want to make a connection with someone, send them a direct message to get things started. A lot of people on Twitter get direct messages sent to their email or mobile phone.)

What tips or rationale have you discovered for why to send a direct versus a public message? Feel free to share with our community.

NOTE: On Twitter in order to “DM” someone you must be “following” one another.

20 Comments on this post

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  1. Ezra Butler said:

    PRSarah,

    Awesome post.

    I think that there should be a common sense clause in there somewhere. Like “anything that you want to convey to someone, but don’t want to have google-indexed for the whole world to see.” Like, I wrote to someone that I cried at one point during the movie “Billy Elliot” years ago. I would not want anyone to be able to google @ezrabutler and “Billy Elliot” and to learn that. [End of the story, he responded that he had never laughed so hard from a DM before.]

    But DMs are a great place to take a relationship to the next level. You know the one between public and email/IMing.

    One rule: Don’t be annoying. This goes to the person’s email box/phone, you don’t want to wear out your welcome.

    Keep it up!

    Ezra

    October 27th, 2008 at 1:29 am
  2. Jessica Smith said:

    As usual, Sarah, you rock!

    I completely agree with this list. Although, I need to comment on the “Thanking New Followers” bullet point. Thanking via a DM is one thing, using TweetLater to send a generic thank you with a “check out my blog!” is getting a little overdone these days. I love it when someone I’ve just started following sends me a personal DM, but the generic ones are just clogging up my already overflowing email inbox.

    I think the best way to thank someone for following is to engage in conversation and if you genuinely like what they have to say, encourage your followers to follow them as well.

    October 27th, 2008 at 1:43 am
  3. Lucretia Pruitt said:

    “Thanking each of your new followers (It’s a nice concept to thank each of your new social media connections, but keep in mind how many responses you’re sending out each day or within a 10 minute period.)”

    Actually, I’d rather they do this publicly if they insist on doing it. Please don’t clutter my email inbox with “Thanks for following me! Check out my website!” it’s the fastest way to get me to unfollow you – because it means I’m a mark, not a person to you.

    Personally, I don’t thank people for following me – because that’s a click of a button (or in some cases, just a script) – I thank them for interacting with me. Because that actually takes time, thought and effort.

    But I’ve unfollowed people nearly immediately for the DM “thanks” if it’s only a marketing ploy.

    October 27th, 2008 at 1:46 am
  4. Katja Presnal said:

    I agree with Lucretia here… I don’t really appreciate the “Thanks for follow-check my site” DMs. Getting the same message over and over again just gets old, and I’d rather people to just jump into conversation with me. For me – authenticity is the key, and if I get a sales pitch on my DM, it often annoys me – but I love getting DMs that are honest and with no hidden agenda.

    I also unfollow people not just for automated welcome tweets, but also Welcome new followers and a list of new people.

    October 27th, 2008 at 1:55 am
  5. Lizz Harmon said:

    I thank you for this post and I appreciate all of the above comments. I prefer NOT to get DMs unless it’s something important. I don’t want my cell phone going off across the room or during a meeting because someone wants to thank me for following them. If they, in fact, do want to speak to me about something out of the public spotlight, I appreciate the DM. I hope those feelings are reciprocated.

    As far as people unfollowing me, that’s up to them. I don’t use the number of followers I have as a barometer of my success. If they want to follow me, great. If not, so what.

    Thanks again for blogging about this topic.

    October 27th, 2008 at 2:09 am
  6. DeAnna Troupe said:

    I do use auto DM to send my new followers a guide on twitter. The guide is stored on my website. I also use DM if I’m trying to secure a new client. I don’t think twitter needs to see all of that information. I also use DM if that’s the only way to connect with one of my twitter friends. I’ve actually had many people say that they appreciate the guide that I send them on twitter.

    Do I get people that follow me just to get the guide and then unfollow me? Yep. Does that make me mad? Nope. I am just trying to connect with people and if that person decided to unfollow me, that doesn’t make me any less successful. I’ve educated one more person about twitter in the process so it’s all worthwhile to me. Great blog post!

    October 27th, 2008 at 2:24 am
  7. Lainie Petersen said:

    Some great conversation here!

    As far as the DM thing goes…on one hand, I think it is polite to thank someone for adding you. On the other hand, I see Lizz’s point about not wanting to be interrupted with a DM that is not particularly pertinent.

    One option might be to visit the blog of your new follower and post a relevant comment along with a “and so glad you are following me on twitter” remark. This demonstrates that you have a real interest in the new follower, you are thanking them both by words and by actions (commenting on a blog post), and that you don’t want impose on their time by sending a generic DM.

    Just my .02!

    October 27th, 2008 at 3:15 am
  8. Gail Sideman said:

    I completely agree with Lizz regarding followers not being a barometer of success. I also appreciate those who only DM me if the information is confidential or important. I don’t need to be thanked for a follow. After all, if I follow you, I do it for selfish reasons in the beginning; I think I can learn something from you. Establishing trustworthy and collaborative relationships is icing.

    As for the number of followers, I think as a society, we’re consumed with better, greater, more and higher numbers. The fact is, however, I’m more concerned with the “content” of my audience. I hope that those who follow me decide to do so because they like what I have to say, and think that I even give them food for thought from time-to-time. If they don’t believe that, I understand if they want to divert their attention elsewhere.

    We’ve got so much information coming at us each day, that my positive social media experiences provide solutions, see others helping one another and when appropriate, entertain. I don’t have the biggest twosse, but I’ve got a great one!

    October 27th, 2008 at 3:19 am
  9. Nevada Grey said:

    Thanks so much for the post! It’s great advice — especially for those of us who are relatively new to Twitter (or other social networks). I hate when I make a faux pas without even knowing it. Though in general I try not to be annoying :)

    October 27th, 2008 at 3:54 am
  10. Dee Stewart said:

    I agree with all comments and what seems to be common sense etiquette tips. One thing I would like to mention is sometimes when using other Twitter apis DM and reply may go screwy. I use Twitterfox on my desktop. I remember a couple of times sending out DMs to find them on the public timeline. I didn’t know that TwitterFox was experiencing a problem. So I think to add to the etiquette tip is to check your Twitter apis and if it’s really personal go to the site and DM.

    Also I would like to know what reliable Twitter apis do you use?

    October 27th, 2008 at 12:26 pm
  11. Bryan Bliss said:

    I agree especially with the public thanking of your new followers, it seems there must be some new automated tool that does that around midnight and some people have whole pages full of nothing but thanks to followers, ugh.

    October 27th, 2008 at 4:38 pm
  12. Warren Whitlock said:

    DM is certainly useful, but I start with the assumption that most everything is better off in public.

    Besides, it’s so easy to mistype and send a DM to your full stream… so before posting, you should ask yourself “do I mind if everyone sees this?”

    If it’s OK, make it a @

    If that’s not OK, consider sending it off Twitter

    October 27th, 2008 at 5:16 pm
  13. ClaudiaBroome said:

    Thank you for this post. It is wonderful to be able to go someplace and get the scoop. If I can help in any way let me know. You are sure helping me.
    ClaudiaBroome

    October 27th, 2008 at 5:26 pm
  14. Vicki Flaugher said:

    I too don’t care for the auto replies thanking my new followers but I do find it easy to fall behind on manually saying welcome, so I had to drop that. I occasionally send out a tweet saying welcome everyone, but not a zillion @ replies listed. Nobody really wants to see that.

    The coolest thing I’ve found so far to do is promote my new users. I am focusing on going through my list and tweeting about what they do and say to all of my tweeple. @WarrenWhitlock says it best – you get “tweet cred” when you promote others – and his advice is totally worth taking to heart.

    Thanks for your presence here. A breath of fresh air!

    Together, we are stronger.
    Vicki Flaugher, the original SmartWoman

    You’re invited to follow me http://twitter.com/smartwoman

    October 27th, 2008 at 5:28 pm
  15. Kari said:

    Thanks for the advice, Sarah! What is your take on the following situations:

    -correcting someone who spells your Twitter username wrong in retweets or replies (especially if it’s happened more than once)
    -getting someone your following to follow you (since nudging seems to have gone away)

    October 29th, 2008 at 10:29 pm
  16. Zara Green said:

    Sarah, you’ve generated an awesome dialogue here…I’ve been through all of the above.

    When I first joined Twitter I was getting automatic DM’s from the Tweeters with thousands of followers that promoted their products. Figuring…they must know something I dont, I did the same.

    Well, I was quickly turned off by them and changed my autoresponse to say something nice, but not promotional and I stopped the auto-follow.

    Now, I don’t do any autosponding and I send personal DMs to those I choose to follow.
    @ZaraGreen on Twitter

    December 10th, 2008 at 6:09 pm
  17. calivita.com said:

    short sharing is also important so wen can reach much others

    February 1st, 2010 at 5:06 pm
  18. calivita.com said:

    but twitter has so short writing 120 characters face is better although i dont use it

    February 1st, 2010 at 5:08 pm
  19. Cartoon Bears said:

    The website will connect people who where from the area, display news from the area, have profiles like other social networks along other things….

    February 5th, 2010 at 5:32 am
  20. Cartoon Bears said:

    I would be very careful about fubar.com if i were you. I hope you know what “fubar” means.

    February 5th, 2010 at 5:32 am