Turn that pitch around
- 20 Comment
This is an example of a really bad pitch which was targeted to me. Rather than out the person or focus on the negative (I did rant a bit on Facebook), let’s workshop this and make it a great pitch.
Without giving away too many details about the organization, here’s the background:
Non-profit fundraiser seeks to engage bloggers in quirky, attention-getting acts to raise awareness and funds.
(That kind of sounds like a personal ad.)
If you were pitching me, what would you say?
20 Comments on this post
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Chadd said:
Well, if they’re looking for fun and edgy, they should change the whole of their language, as such (note, I’m filling in the blanks with the company name and whatnot):
Hey Sarah,
I was bopping around on Twitter today, and saw a bunch of great tweets coming from your page. I think the image you project and the following you maintain would work well with our organization.
As a whole, our organization is responsible for roughly 60% of piercings in the metropolitan area, but we’re still looking for a way to reach into a very specific demographic: 18-24 year old twitter fans.
We’re not looking for you do to any more work than you already do with your page, and maybe post a few links or pictures that would garner some interest in Florida Navel Piercings, something your demographic in Florida would really find interesting.
If you could send out a few tweets singing the praises of FNP, we would be sure to compensate you accordingly in flavored cheese puffs.
We feel that your Twitter page would be a valuable asset to our organization, and would love for the opportunity to discuss this chance with you further.
Regards,
Belle Erin Button, CEO
Florida Navel PiercingsSeptember 9th, 2009 at 2:54 pm -
matt c said:
Sarah–
I’m with xxxx and we’ve been watching how you’ve been able to motivate your network into taking up causes and really put some passion into what you find interesting. It’s amazing the influence a person can have with a Twitter account.
We’re a non-profit for a great cause and wanted to discuss with you what we’re doing and how we’re going about it. I read your post about “What have you done for your community” and I really think this is something that your community would rally behind. Of course we’re looking for money, but we’re also more importantly looking to raise awareness and have fun at the same time.
Would you mind if I gave you a call and passed some ideas by you. You’re uniquely close to this online community and having your input would mean a lot.
Thanks for your consideration in advance.
September 9th, 2009 at 2:59 pm -
Meghan said:
without knowing many details this was tough. i made it as general as possible, because i cannot imagine pitching someone the way they did!
———–
Hey Sarah,I’ve been following your blog since I heard about you through Peter Shankman’s many HARO Shout-outs. I represent Non-profit Fundraiser and your advice has helped in my outreach to (industry) bloggers.
Right now I’m promoting Non-profit Fundraiser’s great services in hopes of raising more funds for those that rely on us. One of the many services we offer is xyz which directly relates to xyz that you’ve mentioned in your blog before. XYX is a service that 123, so we thought you’d be interested in it.
I’d you’d like, I can send you more information that you can share with your blog readers or Mashable readers.
Thanks in advance for your time,
NAME
Non-profit FundrasierSeptember 9th, 2009 at 3:00 pm -
Ivette Marques said:
I definitely think the pitch could have been more personalized. I’m a little confused about the reference to “Canadian readers” — if you post it on your blog everyone who visits can see it regardless of where they live. Also, asking you to post on Mashable is a little strange…without reading the full context it is hard to fill in the blanks, but it’s not very enticing and you are being asked to do a lot of work the person pitching should be handling as far as outreach is concerned.
September 9th, 2009 at 3:06 pm -
Kelly Linhares said:
I’m by no means a pro, but here’s what I’d say…
Hi Sarah,
I’ve been following your tweets for some time, and I am a big fan of your blog. I particularly liked your post titled “Are you pitch proof?”, it really hit home with my current position.
I represent a small non-profit organization called XXXX. We have been diligently seeking ways to utilize social media as a means to drum up awareness and (we won’t lie) ultimately, funds. We know you have a vast Canadian audience which is vital to our success in this very tough market. Also, your connection with Mashable is something that could potentially help to propel this initiative to a worldwide audience.
It is hard to ignore that social networking is the new media, and we would appreciate any help you can give us for this wonderful cause.
Kindest regards,
XXXXXSeptember 9th, 2009 at 3:13 pm -
Aluminum Laptop Cases said:
The whole part of following your blog for a while just sounds too ingenuine. Likely they have sent this exact same e-mail to dozens of blogs. To ensure such a pitch doesn’t just get deleted right away, they really need to take the time to personalize the e-mail more than just using your first name.
September 9th, 2009 at 3:41 pm -
Marifer said:
Hey Sarah!
I think it´s super easy to connect with you on Twitter. You are super social and accesible as well, so I think it´ll be smarter to connect with you on twitter first through an honest conversation rather than emailing you a common pitch. If they follow you like they say they do, they would know that. Overall a bad approach.
I´ve seen your updates on Facebook and I´m so happy you are doing so great! anyhow, keep up the great work!
greetings from Spain from now…
Big hug.
Marifer
September 9th, 2009 at 4:56 pm -
Joshua said:
Sarah,
Can you imagine a world without widgets? I can’t either. Please make a small monthly donation to the Acme World Organization today.
At $29.95, it works out to less than $1 a day (except in February!). That’s less than the price of a mediocre coffee from the gas station!
Also, plz RT & spam to Pete Cashmore. kTHx
@joshuadenney
September 9th, 2009 at 5:35 pm -
Jolene said:
Here’s my go, perhaps a bit informal, but this is the online world and I’ve always thought of you as an informal, cut-to-the-chase person.
“Hi Sarah, have you heard about (the project)? I’ve been following your tweets for a while now and immediately thought of you when the project came up.
I work for a non-profit organization called X and we’re looking to raise awareness and dollars for our cause. I’ve seen the excellent work you’ve done to help other causes similar to ours and am hoping you could help us out to.
This is a great cause because (a, b, c).
Any online attention you could give us would be much appreciate. If you need more details or want to chat more about it, please contact me anytime at (various contact info).
Kindest regards, Jolene
September 9th, 2009 at 5:54 pm -
Trish Skram said:
It’s a good set up for a pitch but all teh wrong words, appeal and engagement. Here’s Trish Skram’s pitch:
Hey Sarah,
I’m with company X and me as well as my co-workers have been reading about you all over the Web! You rock! It’s been remarkable how you’ve been able to captivate your online networks and put genuine passion into what really matters to you. Especially with your CrisisOvernight efforts. WOW! Amazing stuff. You’re able to utilize social media tools and your online presence to engage your audience in a way that really pulls in the true mission of a cause. We feel that same passion! All we need is the creative mastermind to help us spread the word!
We’re a non-profit for who prides ourself on (big cause here).
[add boilerplate of cause and company]I’d love the opportunity to connect with you further. Any input you can provide me and my company is much appreciated.
Talk soon,
September 9th, 2009 at 7:53 pm -
Trish Skram said:
Yuck! Small spelling error in that first sentence. I had to call myself out on that one. I feel better.
@trishskramSeptember 9th, 2009 at 7:55 pm -
JoePRguy said:
I’d start with an intro email rather than blind pitch. For example,
“Hey Sarah, I’d like to email and introduce myself. Congrats on your recent change from higher ed PR- are things going as you imagined?
I’ve been enjoying your blog since it caught my eye through Twitter when you wrote the series about crisis communication. I have a blog idea for you with some fun content that your readers will enjoy; it would also assist a nonprofit organization. What is the best way to provide you with more information?
Thanks,
-Joe
September 9th, 2009 at 8:15 pm -
PRsarahevans said:
Love what is coming in so far. This is more like it.
September 9th, 2009 at 8:29 pm -
Arik Hanson said:
I won’t attempt to re-write the pitch because I feel like I need more information to do that well. But, by and large, where it seems this person fell short was answering the “WIIFM” question for you, Sarah.
When I pitch bloggers, the first question I try to answer is: What’s in it for the blogger? After all, blogger relations is not all that different from media relations. Help the reporter tell an interesting story. With bloggers, in my mind, it’s similar. Give bloggers story ideas. Incent them in creative ways. Ask them to participate in your brand. Those are the strategies we should all consider when approaching bloggers as part of our work.
@arikhanson
September 10th, 2009 at 12:00 am -
Amanda Miller Littlejohn said:
Note: This is just a comment and not a revised pitch.
I just want to chime in here and say thanks Sarah for generating this awesome discussion about this pitch. All of the comments left by PR pros were quite enlightening.
I really love the spirit of taking a bad pitch and using it as a learning experience to help make us all better, which is what I try to do on my own blog (Shout out to Mopwater PR + Media Notes!). Of course it’s fun to look at blogs that out bad pitches, but I think for a lot of rising PR professionals, it only serves to scare them into not pitching for fear of being embarrassed. This exercise is awesome since it’s both informational and instructional.
At the end of this stream are you going to repost what may have been considered a good pitch in your opinion if you were pitching yourself? I think quite a few of the comment posters had some good approaches. Which was your favorite? Or would you have gone an entirely different route?
September 10th, 2009 at 10:21 am -
Natalie said:
I do agree with Amanda – I get scared of being embarrassed or what not. And please post your favorite.
Its weird they are asking you to “tune off” of social media for awhile — if they knew you, they’d know that’s impossible!
Here’s my try, good exercise for the morning! (and the dog thing is true in California, we rescued ours from a struggling rescue group)
Hi Sarah,
I followed your tweets during CrisisOvernight and was inspired by your ability to do so much in one event.As a nonprofit dog rescue in California attempting to place abandoned puppies in good homes, we are struggling. With families forced to relocate due to foreclosure, our company is in a pickle with many dogs and few homes.
Because of this, we need funding to sustain the animals while we wait for willing families to become available. We have ideas for a social media campaign, similar to Crisis Overnight and would love to enlist your help.
We know you are a dog owner and lover as well, and are hoping that you could come on board.
Thank you for your time,
Susie Q
XYZ California Dog rescueSeptember 10th, 2009 at 11:26 am -
PRsarahevans said:
THANK YOU to everyone who took a shot at a pitch. By taking the time to participate you show a true commitment to your profession and improving ALL of our skills.
I can only pick one of you (but I think this means there will be more events like this on my blog).
THE WINNER: @Marifer
Why?
She didn’t have to pitch me. She reminded me that she has taken the time to build a relationship with me before she ever needed anything. Even though she says she will chat with me over on Twitter, she could contact me via email, text, IM, etc knowing she already “knows” me.
A great pitch is one thing, already having an established relationship is priceless.
A close runner-up is Trish Skram. She did a great job of connecting with me, showing that she reads my blog and was honest about what she was looking for. That works for me (not necessarily for everyone else).
September 10th, 2009 at 11:11 pm -
Cheap said:
I agree the whole part of following your blog for a while just sounds too ingenuine. Likely they have sent this exact same e-mail to dozens of blogs. To ensure such a pitch doesn’t just get deleted right away, they really need to take the time to personalize the e-mail more than just using your first name.
October 27th, 2009 at 6:23 pm -
Generic online said:
I’ve also been following your blog since I heard about you through Peter Shankman’s many HARO Shout-outs. I represent Non-profit Fundraiser and your advice has helped in my outreach to (industry) bloggers.
January 15th, 2010 at 3:19 pm
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