Crowdsourced: Can you disagree online without damaging a relationship?
- 19 Comment
Yes, I’m posing this question specifically to you. Are you able to share a differing point of view (POV) without damaging a relationship? Differing POVs are essential and I love the conversation they generate on online forums (like blogs).
When you disagree with someone online is your first response to post something like,
“Here ye, here ye! Joe Smith’s post about <blah blah blah> was stupid and you should know it!”
OR
“Really? Everyone should know that Rita Ray missed a HUGE issue in her article. I’m so annoyed.”
These responses say to me (because this is a personal interpretation) that you do not value the relationship, are trying to get attention or do not care to engage. You might interpret this differently…AND THAT’S OKAY!
I’m writing this post from the POV of a public relations professional and as a business owner. I know it’s all about the relationship.
It’s easy to throw together a quick rant about something (especially in 140 characters), but it takes a little more time to write a constructive response. I respect that and encourage it (especially here). There’s also something to be said for taking time before putting forth a response.
What do you think? What are best practices you’ve seen of people who disagree well online? What are characteristics of “bad” disagreements?
I asked people this question on Facebook and Twitter and received A LOT of responses. Here are a few of my favorites:
19 Comments on this post
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John Herbkersman said:
Differences of opinion happen every day in business. The key is respecting the opinions of others while focusing on the targets and objectives. Once a decision is made, everyone is again on the same side and must work together to advance the business.
September 24th, 2009 at 6:49 am -
valerie simon said:
I believe that disagreeing, when done with respect, can actually enhance a relationship. Of course you have to know the person and the forum you where you wish to state your case. But I believe many bloggers and communities do seek conversation. And conversation is not always about saying “Yes!” or “Good Job.” If you can disagree, but provide new perspective and incite further discussion… well then most bloggers ( or at least the ones I care to read) would consider you to be a valued member of their community.
When I disagree, I try to do so with an understanding and respect for where the other person is coming from. My arguments are never personal; they are about ideas. And my one rule is that if I don’t have that underlying respect for the other person, I won’t respond. If your feeling a bit mean, or your rant starts to get personal STOP. That’s when I listen to my mom’s advice- If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say (or write) anything at all.
September 24th, 2009 at 7:26 am -
Tiffany Monhollon said:
The interesting thing about disagreeing online is that your comments, which you intend within a certain context (post, thought, article, etc.), evolve beyond your locus of control, so you never know where those words may go or whom they might affect. Someone could take a line or two and quote you on Twitter, and, depending on your comments, instant Pariah.
Healthy debate, friendly differences of perspective, I think these things are good in the digital space. And they aren’t bad for your brand when handled correctly. I always try to anchor these types of comments with some perspective and a lens at multiple arguments within a line of thinking. Also, it’s okay to question the line of reasoning someone uses, especially those espousing expertise. Critical thinking is often in short supply, so this sort of checks and balances is also healthy to the discourse.
But disagreements online about sensitive issues, or that could get heated, take offline. And that’s a good rule of thumb, because if you don’t know someone well enough to know how to get ahold of them offline, you probably shouldn’t cut too deep with your criticism to begin with.
September 24th, 2009 at 8:20 am -
Andrea Shifflet said:
Sometimes I feel that a person will have such a passion for their own perspective that the only way to grow in the PR profession is to have discussions where everyone can contribute different opinions. I personally learn so much more from those who have different views than me because I can see more in depth into the subject than through my own “tunnel vision”.
September 24th, 2009 at 9:11 am -
Sean Williams said:
Sarah – people gravitate toward those who agree with them. I have lost friends in the offline world because we disagreed about something that they found much more important, more intrinsic, than I. Much of the controversy with dissent is that it lacks context and the non-verbal cues that would soften the perceived criticism. A failing of social media is that it distills too much too often — 140 characters doesn’t provide the opportunity for context.
Secondly, dissent and its implication of criticism can tarnish personal brands (or so it may seem.) A fair number of people seen as leaders (or self-described as leaders) are consultants who are using social media as a marketing tool; if the perception of value of these leaders gets reduced by public criticism, that can have negative affects on one’s business.
So, even amid rhetoric that proclaims that social media is a revolution in communications (marketing, pr, community relations, etc.), the objectives of participation are the same as in other communications channels – creating awareness, understanding, commitment and action toward business success. That can lead to hurt feelings and anger, rather than strategic discussion and continuous improvement.
The key, insofar as I can tell, is to disagree on merits, not on style or personality, and have an opinion as to what should be different, supported by as much fact and research as possible.
Thanks for bringing this up.
Sean
@commammoSeptember 24th, 2009 at 9:13 am -
Elizabeth Sosnow said:
It’s only when you disagree that you can truly begin to know someone, in my opinion. Real relationships spring up in the moment where you start an honest dialogue with each other.
September 24th, 2009 at 9:50 am -
KateNonymous said:
The problem is that it takes two. I’ve had exchanges in which it didn’t matter how diplomatically I phrased things, or how much I focused on the issue rather than the other commenter, or how balanced I tried to be in looking at their side as well as my own. Some people are open to disagreement, and some aren’t.
September 24th, 2009 at 10:24 am -
kissing bears baskets said:
I am trying to collect opinions, links, evidence linking McCain / Palin to online/offline censorship activities.
This research is part of my nonprofit experiment in “citizen journalism” / crowdsourced investigation.
Thanks so much!
September 24th, 2009 at 1:43 pm -
Ivette Marques said:
I think you can disagree and share your POV, but it must be in a respectful manner. Also, I never think it’s a good idea to get into heated arguments online or in print. People will always disagree and at times it’s best to “Agree to Disagree.”
September 24th, 2009 at 3:25 pm -
Cortland Coleman said:
If we can’t disagree agreeably then we’ve lost a bit of ourselves.
Unfortunately, it seems like our modern society is increasingly my-way-or-the-highway-and-I-hope-a-car-runs-you-over-when-you-get-there.
That being said, I respectfully and agreeably disagree with your use of a partial RSS feed for this site. I see a “Full Feed” advertised in the comment submission box, yet when clicked and subscribed to, your partial RSS feed fills my reader.
I’d be much more inclined to consume your content regularly, especially on my mobile device, with a full RSS feed.
Thanks!
September 25th, 2009 at 2:21 pm -
nc10 - john said:
Business is all about disagreement, it’s just how you do it.
As any communicator knows, never do it by email. (and text message is even worse) People always get the wrong end of the stick, and as soon as you start reading what someone says who disagrees with you, you automatically think of it it in a stroppy, naggy voice voice – whihc they never ususally meant!September 27th, 2009 at 10:12 am -
CanadianImmigration said:
It is all about respect. We are all humans and that is one of our trait to disagree with one another. There is nothing wrong with that, but we should do it gracefully and respectfully. If someone start heated arguments, do not take it as an offense. Be polite and use the words that are polite and gentle. In most cases, other person will realize his or her mistake. If not, leave him or her alone.
October 1st, 2009 at 9:54 pm -
learn german said:
I think its interesting that there is an understanding that a difference of opinion can improve a relationship whether personal or professional but that is so dependent on the maturity of the other person. An immature person is never ready to hear a differing opinion no matter how you present it.
October 1st, 2009 at 11:10 pm -
Simon said:
I honestly believe you can disagree and then share your POV, but it must be in a respectful manner. Also, I never think it’s a good idea to get into heated arguments online or in print. People will always disagree and at times it’s best to “Agree to Disagree.”
October 5th, 2009 at 4:58 pm -
ATV Auction said:
When we are disagreeing with something, it is easy to let our emotions get the best of us. We might say things without thinking them through. It is a skill to be able to disagree while staying on the person’s good side. You have to respect their opinion despite your different view.
October 6th, 2009 at 12:16 pm -
Generic said:
Yes! I for one would be much more inclined to consume your content regularly, especially on my mobile device, with a full RSS feed.
October 9th, 2009 at 2:51 pm -
PSP Go said:
Good points. I think we sometimes say things online without really thinking them through and counting to 10 before we do it.
October 9th, 2009 at 3:45 pm -
Generic online said:
I am also trying to collect opinions, links, evidence linking McCain / Palin to online/offline censorship activities.
This research is part of my nonprofit experiment in “citizen journalism” / crowdsourced investigation.
January 15th, 2010 at 3:18 pm
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